When I ask people what they would like to get out of their sessions with me, they frequently say things like: “I would like to control my emotions, and be able to handle my fear in a better way. I would like to learn strategies of living with it.” It doesn’t even occur to them that they could exist without that fear, without that paralyzing guilt, shame, or the illusion of being not good enough.

When I hear that, everything in me screams: “But there is so much more out there for you! You have to want more, and ask for more, and believe that you deserve more! You can feel good. You can be successful. You can be doing what you love.” I know, that my belief that everything is possible is exactly what will help the person to think bigger, and free themselves of self-imposed limitations and smallness.


Only Our Imagination Is The Limit

From my position it is very easy to see that our dreams and wishes put us on the path of being who we need to be in order to experience what we desire. It is very clear to see that what be believe, eventually turns out to be our reality. What we think is possible, is what is possible for us. And it’s a two-way street: Our experiences in life have shaped what we think and consider real and possible, but our thoughts and mental patterns also shape our reality, the way we perceive, which information we use and focus on, how we act, and how others respond to us.

In that sense, going beyond our limitations, expanding, and using our full potential has everything to do with thinking big. We have to believe in ourselves, allow ourselves those big dreams, and to aspire to making them our reality.


Wanting Brings Pressure

Once we open up to thinking big, aspiring to our dreams and wanting more out of life, we can experience the other end of the spectrum: many clients are so focused on their goals, on trying to motivate themselves and on working hard to create the life they want, that they end up exhausted, and under a constant pressure to get better, be better, learn more, work harder and change. Wanting something in our lives can easily create an enormous pressure.

Then I can only say: “Before you can change anything, you have to let go of wanting it so badly. Only when you stop needing this in order to be ok, only then there can be the space for you to actually receive it.” We have to learn to accept what is. In that acceptance, there is space for self-love, space for joy, fun, and the ability to enjoy life as it is. If we are only focused on the future and on what we want life to become, we will be constantly struggling, and creating more and more effort.


Big Vision, or Accepting What Is?

So which is it, you may ask? Should I think big and believe that everything is possible? Or should I learn to let go and accept what is?

Both of these approaches don’t have to be mutually exclusive. And being an energy psychologist, of course, my answer for your specific situation would depend on your intention, on the WHY. I would look at your intention towards yourself and your possibilities, and why you are moving forward.

  • You can go for a big vision from a sense of not being good enough, and that may be from a low-energy space (of guilt). Then you will likely experience a constant pressure and obligation.
  • You could also talk about accepting what is there, and it could come from a place of having given up and not believing in yourself. Then you would likely experience apathy, or a sense of loss or guilt.

If you focus on the energies, and figure out where your negative emotions are stuck, you can then process and release them. And when you do, automatically, your energy will rise.

  • Then, thinking of your big dream may make you excited and bring about creativity and physical energy.
  • Or letting go and accepting may bring you peace, the faith that things are working out for you, and a trust in life.

As you see, in any given moment, it’s not a choice between infinite possibilities or surrender to reality. It’s really about how you can be in the highest possible energy and find the most positive possible approach. And that has to do with your needs, too. Sometimes you may need to rest – then surrender is a good way to go. In those moments you will have to find a positive permission to let go and take a break. In other moments, you may be inspired and want to move forward – and then it’s good to remember that anything you really want can be possible for you.


Co-Creating Our Lives

We have to find that delicate balance of being a co-creator with life. We don’t have total control over what we experience, and we cannot make things happen no matter what. What we can do is go with the flow. When we have a goal or an idea that we want to pursue, sometimes it feels easy and life just supports it. But when it doesn’t, when we keep making so much effort and hitting our head on the same wall over and over, maybe that’s a sign that the energy is low. When there is too much resistance or too many obstacles, it means that  we are trying to force something. Then, the energy can be raised by letting go, by surrendering, and by acknowledging that life has the better plan.

Being a co-creator, it means that we create in accordance with life, within the spaces that life provides us with, and we trust, that when it’s the right moment, things will be easy – and that when it’s not easy, what we want may not be for us, or not in that moment. We can still believe that everything’s possible, but we have to let it unfold. We can set the goal, no matter how high, but we cannot determine, how or when it comes about.

So we can search for the flow, and for a sense of being fully appreciative of whatever life brings to us. If it brings slowness and rest, we enjoy it. If it brings movement and opportunities, we take them and make the best of it.

At the end, no matter which influence is stronger, the big vision or the surrender, we always have to let go of negativity. It is our negativity that gets us stuck. And the more we raise our energy, the more those two influences come together: We can work on ourselves for being able to believe that everything is possible. And then we open up to seeing the possibility in what’s right in front of us. In any case, as we open up to infinite possibility AND to surrender, we can get to experience the delicious flow of creation coming right through us, and bringing us joy, laughter, love and ease.