“The hardest thing is always to sell yourself”, one of my performer clients said the other day. “Still alter all this time, it’s a challenge to feel good about yourself, and your own worth.”

Another clients spoke about how difficult it is to hold her position and be strong when she feels intimidated by an authority figure.

The Challenge

Both these situations have a theme in common – both clients face a similar challenge: To find your own position, and a positive and empowered feeling about yourself and what you think and do – and to take a stand, voice your opinion, and let yourself be seen in your power.

When we don’t meet this challenge, and it happens so often, we can experience situations like these:

  • we don’t perform as well as we know we can
  • we feel unsure, overwhelmed or unsafe
  • we avoid conflict and give in
  • it’s difficult to say no, and when we don’t voice our no, we get in deeper and deeper into a negative emotional situation
  • we don’t feel good about ourselves, we search out other people’s approval and put their opinions and impressions over our own
  • we worry about what others think, instead of finding and expressing our truth
  • we judge ourselves from what we think is the other person’s perspective
  • we feel weak, inferior or not good enough
  • we take a step back and avoid being seen, and we don’t want to be exposed or judged
  • whether we experience fear of failure, or fear of success – we fear rejection by others, and opt for hiding, rather than taking a risk

How to Face Possible Rejection

There are a few attitudes that we have to have in order to find a better perspective and handle the situation better.

  1. I respect myself and I am on my own side. What I think and feel, my truth, is more important to me than that of anyone else.
  2. The other person is allowed to think whatever they choose. Their perception can give me information that I can choose to use for myself. But in the first place, it has more to do with who they are and how they perceive, than with who I am. It’s not only up to me to influence how they see me – and I don’t have control over it.
  3. Not everybody can like me. That’s ok. But it is ok if I stand up for myself, follow my inner truth and my heart’s desire – because then, I can like who I am. That, I do influence!

So it’s all about how we handle rejection, or even the possibility of being rejected: It is not easy to accept the fact that others may reject us. To accept that it’s ok if they do. That their rejection doesn’t change who we are, and doesn’t determine our worth. In fact, our worth is solely our own feeling about ourselves. And even if we don’t at all meet the criteria of other people and circumstances, we can feel worthy (granted, it may be a way to get there).

Get Out of Fight Mode

In the situations in question, we frequently find ourselves in fight mode – in a win-or-loose mentality. We fight for convincing the other person, we fight for feeling respected, being heard, and we may even feel like we are fighting for our existence, or right to be, and to be as we are.

But one thing is clear: When we fight, we can loose.

Our real strength lies in stepping out of the fight – because then, we don’t need to be scared of losing, and we are not pressured to win.

Then, how can we get out of fight mode? We need to get to an inner place where we are already complete, where we feel that we are ok, that we accept ourselves, that we have the power to do something and the strength to even handle it if we don’t reach our goal. We have to let go of wanting to convince the other person, and trust that life will help us with what’s exactly right for us. When we trust that life supports us, and that even if we don’t get that job after the audition, or even if we stand up to an authority figure and experience being ridiculed or rejected, we are ok! It means that you can be free to take a risk, because you’re ok with yourself even if the worst case happens.

You’re ok, no Matter What

When you grant this to yourself, and you accept yourself as you are, right here and now, in this process, and with the option of being rejected or failing, then, you can start to enjoy life. You can start to enjoy the audition process, the message you have to give, and connect with the fun and joy and why you sing in the first place. You can start focusing on what you really want in the interaction with this authority figure, instead of what you want to avoid.

Even though it may sound trite, it is very simple: Love yourself. Choose to accept yourself with your imperfections, the way you are now. Decide that you don’t have to do or reach anything, just so you can approve of yourself. Give your unconditional approval to yourself, already now – and you’ll be able to move and take steps, and to face whatever life has coming your way.