OR HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM BY LETTING GO OF OLD BAGGAGE AND NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
There are some negative emotions or thoughts that have accompanied us all our lives, and some for many years. It can even seem that we are unlucky and keep having the same negative experiences – people rejecting us, being passed by, being treated badly, not seen, or not taken seriously.
Just think a minute: Which negative thoughts or feelings do you have about yourself and your life? Think about what you feel or think when you have a really bad moment. Or maybe you get triggered in certain situations, or with certain people. Can you see how they just bring out the same kind of feeling or negative thought you have about yourself?
You Are not a Person With Low Self-Esteem
We tend to think that low self-esteem or a negative evaluation of ourselves is just how we are, and that it is permanent, or at least, repetitive. We don’t know ourselves without those feelings. And we have no idea that ist can be changed, or how to go about it.
We say: “I’m a person with low self-esteem.” or “I always feel inferior” or “I always have a lot of pressure to be perfect”…. and we take this as a given reality.
When I look at this from the point of view of energy psychology, I can only say: NO! You are not that kind of person! It is only an experience that you have, only an energy in your system. Low self-esteem or a negative self-image are nothing more than an accumulation of negative energies in your system. And you don’t know how to let it go, how to release the energy. But I do, and therefor it’s possible. And I know you can have a different experience. Anyone can!
You Just Have to Let Go
It’s one of THOSE phrases. Just letting go. It sounds so easy. But we simply don’t know how to do it.
One thing is for sure: Just because we understand rationally that we are not inferior, that it’s not true that we are not good enough, that doesn’t mean that we can feel and believe it – consciously and subconsciously.
Often we understand that a negative thought about ourselves is not true – and we try to replace it by a more positive perspective and way of thinking. But that is like swiping the negativity under a rug. For the moment we will feel better, but the smallest trigger, criticism or negativity of other people towards us can bring it back in full power.
Understanding that something isn’t true frequently doesn’t allow us to feel it. Looking at the levels of consciousness and energy can shed some light, and I invite you to read about the different levels in my blog about David R. Hawkins and the Scale of Consciousness. My conclusion is that when we carry and experience very low energies, such as shame (20), guilt (30), or fear (100), the energy of reason (400 on Dr. Hawkins’ scale) is just not high enough to actually help us release it and let go. We need an even higher energy to help us let go, such as the one that calibrates in love (500) or above. It is the field of love that brings experiences like forgiveness, release, beauty, joy, ease, creativity, flow… and the capacity of letting go.
Letting Go is the Willingness to Experience It
Consequently, we need love energy in order to let go. How can we do that? Imagine you loved the part of you that is insecure and tells you you cannot do something. Imagine you loved your own limitation and negativity, your feeling of guilt or fear. How would you be with it? How would you approach it?
We can invite the love energy in – by doing exactly what we would do if it was already here: We open up to feeling whatever is there. We allow whatever there is to be there.
So in a sentence, letting go means that we stop trying to change it. We allow the negative thought and experience to be there. We allow it to have the effect that it has on our body. Maybe we cannot breathe, or we are nervous, or we feel stuck in our mind. Whatever the experience, our goal is to make space within ourselves, in our experience, and to be with the sensation, to be with the thought.
We get out of the story about it, and into the experience of it in our body.
It means that we experience it as if it was true. We go through feeling how it is if we are really not worthy, not valuable, and inadequate. All we need to do is feel it once.
The questions that helps to do that is: How is this now? We need an inner attitude of curiosity, and free of judgment. We need to observe without drawing conclusions. And we need to accept suffering or pain as something that is ok to experience. Because when we do, just for a few minutes, it eases and disappears. Always.We always think that when we feel something negative it takes over and controls or overwhelms us. But really, all it wants is to be felt and seen. And when we do that, it disappears.
Letting Go is Letting go of Your Resistance
That is what letting go means.
- We stop trying to avoid it.
- We stop trying to hide it from others.
- We accept that it is there, and that it wants to be seen, felt, and acknowledged.
- We breathe, and we feel the sensation that we have.
- We explore how it would feel if that negative feeling about ourselves, or that limiting thought, were true.
- We give ourselves just a few minutes of being that guilt, being that fear, being the person that is not worthy.
- We do exactly the opposite of what our instinct tells us: Instead of trying to make it go away, or to not let it take over, we plunge right in. We give it our full attention.
So we cannot let go of the negative feeling or thought itself. We actually let go of our resistance to it. We stop fighting it. We stop judging it. We open up to feeling it. We surrender to the possibility of it.
And then it resolves. And we get to experience a different, more positive reality.
It’s as simple as that.