The other day, my mom asked me: “Why are you so interested in your ancestors? You don’t even know them and they are long dead!” I realize it’s how I’ve thought for most of my life, until I discovered that connecting with our roots and ancestors helps us to uncover our inner power – to be strong, happy, and successful – and not to repeat old patterns.
But let’s step back a little and let me explain. I come from a systemic background and have a training in Family Constellations. That means, I don’t look at the person as an isolated entity – but as a part of a larger system in which there are rules about how the parts relate with each other, and patterns that repeat. If one part of the system changes, the rest has to adapt. We see that ver clearly when one person dies – then everybody’s roles have to change and accommodate the new situation.
I’ve heard other people in my circle talk about how strong of a urge we have to “be loyal” to our ancestors, and how out of that loyalty we replicate their strengths, and knowledge, but also their suffering, traumas and unresolved issues – until they do get resolved. In my family constellations training I have seen many times that a person can have physical or emotional problems which have their root in a traumatic situation experienced by one of their ancestors – and the amazing thing is that once we see, feel or process these traumatic events, the symptom in the person disappears. So it’s really powerful work.
But it didn’t REALLY get interesting until I felt that I had reached a glass ceiling in my work. Despite all efforts, despite all my good ideas and wonderful service and products and positive feedback of my clients, I just couldn’t make more growth happen. It was like fighting against windmills, and I had a constant feeling that life just didn’t support me. I knew that it should be easy, but it wasn’t. I doubted myself a lot, experienced a lot of fear, guilt and simply exhaustion, and not just once I felt total despair. I got myself out of the negativity every time, but it wouldn’t change the fact, that I was stuck.
It was at that time that I decided to look at my ancestors, and their beliefs and experiences about work, success, money, and their feelings of being deserving and worthy. I knew that, what for me was the “glass ceiling effect”, is called “class neurosis” in family constellations. My teacher used to say “a business failure can be a family success”. It refers to the fact that a person has a hard time being “more successful” than those that precede her – especially if the person is trying to “get out of it” or “be better despite” – if that person is trying to overcome her origin. So maybe by failing we are loyal to the experiences of our ancestors – even if we don’t want to be.
Now, I have moved many times and even to a different country, trying to start a new life many times. So I realized, that maybe in a way I had been trying to “overcome” something, and that what life called for was more connection with where I come from.
If you work with Energy Psychology, it will become very obvious to you that your mind is extremely powerful, and that what you think and believe, tends to become true. What I am going to tell you goes one step further: We are subconsciously subscribed to mental patterns and forms of thinking, and some of those patterns don’t even originate within ourselves, but within our family. We are practically born with them. And those beliefs, they are sometimes harder to discover, but they have the same influence on us and our lives as something that we choose to believe in a more conscious way.
I discovered that there was I story of love between two of my ancestors. They could not get married because HE was rich and SHE was poor, and his parents wouldn’t allow it and made him marry someone else, even though she was pregnant. SHE got paid off, and used the money to buy a sewing machine, thereby having the means to provide for her daughter. It’s a moving story, but I only felt its tragedy when I connected with what they will have felt and thought – and two patterns stood out: “I don’t want money” and “I can’t have love”. I knew, that this had EVERYTHING to do with my business, because I LOVE MY WORK. If I subconsciously followed the belief that I can’t have love, and more over that I don’t want money – how would it ever get easy for me???!!!
This is just one of many stories. One of many pieces that freed me of anxiety and pressure and gave me a high positivity and motivation and such a good feeling about my professional projects. I can feel, and I deeply know, that it’s easy now. That all will fall into place. And that I am incredibly lucky about everything I already achieved. No more focus on failure, difficulties, blockages. It is really amazing!
So why are my ancestors so important to me? Because I am like them. Because I come from them. Because knowing about them gives me emotional freedom and makes me stronger. Because feeling and processing their suffering has been a beautiful way of finding release, ease and hope, and it makes me strong and enables me to give back to life – in their honor. I know that what I want out of life, my dreams and hopes, go so much beyond what could even be thought about by my ancestors. Even having these dreams is a gift of life. And I know, with my ancestors at my back and connected with them, I can reach them, and they can be a success of the whole family system.