You’d think that if you forgive someone, they are the ones who “get something”. But really, YOU are the one who has the biggest benefit. Holding a grudge, or holding on to resentment and blame – it’s a way of keeping negative emotions stuck in your system. That lowers your energy, and makes you more negative and less effective. And it takes a huge amount of effort and energy to “hold it down”, not let it affect you, to “function well anyways”.
If you forgive, you liberate all that energy, and you can use it for yourself, or for anything you want to!
So today’s exercise is about forgiving, but in a general sense it can help you to make any relationship of your choice more positive. Wouldn’t you like to feel good about that friend that let you down, the parent that disappointed you, the relative you don’t talk to, the child that pushed you over your limits? So I am inviting you to dig a little deeper, and to have a go at the “Forgiveness Meditation”, also called Ho’oponopono (in Hawaiian).
Here is the way to do it:
Forgive Someone – Heal a Relationship!
1. Pick a person with whom you would like to have a more positive relationship, or whom you would like to forgive.
2.In front of or around yourself, you are going to create the “relationship field” that you share with this person. In order to do that, visualize the person.
You start by focusing on the person (and talking to this person) in your mind. But as you go through the process, you may start to feel certain emotions or recognize them in the other person. If you feel you get stuck, you can choose to visualize the emotions within the relationship feels, as if they were objects separate from you and the other person.
3. Look at the person and talk to him or her using these four phrases:
- I am sorry.
- I forgive you.
- I love you.
- I thank you.
Keep going through the phrases over and over again, allowing your mind to find how they are actually true.
4. Keep going despite of your resistance.
When you start out, you will notice a lot of resistance. You will think things like “I am not sorry…”
Keep going anyways! You are creating something that is called “cognitive dissonance”, and your brain HAS TO close the gap between what you are thinking and what you are experiencing… That is how your negative thoughts and emotions get released… You’ll see!
5. Observe how you are noticing shifts and changes in your mind and in your body. How is your visualization changing?
6. If you feel that you get stuck and you don’t feel good yet, become aware of what you are resisting. Which emotion don’t you want to feel? Picture that emotion in front of you and talk to it, using the four phrases. When you feel it ease, you can go back to talking to the person directly.
This exercise will help you let go of and transform some of the negativity you are carrying. Please, share your experiences, successes or questions in the comment section or on my facebook page.
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When I wrote this entry I thought, well there is no one to do this with left, I am good with everyone… and today I got the email, and an old old ex-boyfriend popped into my head, and then a friend who I’ve felt distant from, and a professional I’ve worked with that I felt less than peaceful about. So I started doing the forgiveness meditation and felt how it uncovered a whole set of negative feelings and thoughts I had about the people, and I could literally watch and feel them slide out of my mind and body. Funny how life just gives you gifts that you didn’t know you needed, and sometimes they even come from yourself!